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I read a poem
the other day

about how
our liver
replaces itself
after 5 months,

our lungs
after 3 weeks

and our skin
after 27 days

I laughed
about how
absurd such
facts were

because it has been 7 months

and I can still feel
your presence in my body
your kisses on my hips
and your breath on my neck

and trust me
I tried to kill as many cells
as I could
after you left

to try to get you
the fuck out of
my veins

I poisoned my liver
nearly every day
with cheap alcohol

and smoked so many cigarettes
I heard my lungs begging me
to stop the other night

and I let too many boys

undress me
and touch my skin
with their dirty dirty hands

simply because
I hoped their presence
would force your ghost

to get
out of my bed
out of my life
and out of my mind

but still
I can hear the echoes
of your footsteps
as you are running
in my brain

and it is driving
me insane

because when I was 7 years old
my father took me fishing
and made me promise

I’d never let anyone
get under my skin

yet here I am
13 years later

destroying myself
to try to forget

how you destroyed me
after telling me for a year
how much you loved me

and I can’t help but imagine
how horrified my father
would be

to see his baby girl
killing herself slowly

but what he could not understand
is that if I drink too much
or smoke too much

it is only to stop your ghost
from growing and growing

like the cancer
that
took
him
away.

Exorcism flavoured whiskey, goldenkintsugi (via goldenkintsugi)
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